Sometimes I wonder if I am dreaming too big and setting myself up for disappointment after disappointment. I wonder about whether or not I should keep on moving forward despite all the obstacles that I encounter along the way. I wonder if I should lower my expectations to allow for others to be let off the hook.
I dream of having a published book and I am working on that book a little bit each day. It is tedious work and the story does not magically show up on the screen. I have to use my brain, think scenarios out, dig into my memories for inspiration, and look back over grammar and word usage. It’s a lot of work, but it’s rewarding to see the page count climb steadily. I work hard on this book, yet it is still taking me a long time to finish.
I dream of getting all the deaf people in the state of Missouri to the capitol bearing care packages of cookies, candies, and cards shaped like the ‘ILY’ sign thanking them for being our representatives, senators, and governor. Let them all see our faces and match that to the word “deaf” in their bills and that we are watching them as they work. We are here, we are not just numbers, we are real families, real individuals, and we count. I dream of making a positive impact on Jefferson City when they think of the deaf population in Missouri.
I dream of building up an emergency fund and snowballing our debt away. I am currently paying off my family and friends first and then we will tackle the bank debt and build an emergency fund. Once these are knocked away, we get to snowball the debt away and I dream of the day that we are debt free. On that day, we will be able to use our extra funds for recreation, not for paying something off. I dream of the day that we can say to each other “Hey, let’s take the children to the amusement park and make a day of it!” without worrying about how we will manage. Right now, if not for the debt, we would be able to afford that, but as it is, we have to restrict any recreational activities that we have.
I dream of the day that being deaf does not mean I have to struggle to fit in. I will be seen as Deaf enough for the deafies to include in their inner crowds and in the hearing world I will be seen as an intelligent woman worth learning a little sign language to get to know me. I dream of the day that they take me at face value without thinking about the fact that I am deaf or the fact that I did not grow up ASL. I am a mother. I am a wife. I am a sister. I am Tishia. I am also deaf. But being deaf is not what defines me. Being Tishia is what defines me. I look forward to that day I am allowed to be just… me.
I think I’ll keep on dreaming big, for if I don’t do that… what would that leave me with?
