Tishia’s Thoughts

It’s now officially holiday season. This also brings the dreaded Santa Claus season. I hate Santa Claus. More specifically, I hate guys dressed up in Santa suits. They make me nervous. Whenever I see a Santa walking around and he waves at me or my children, I am seized by the urge to run screaming in the other direction and save my babies from the bad Santa. There is no way I will ever let my children sit in any Santa’s lap. I am convinced that most guys dressing up as Santa are closet pedophiles who get off on children in their laps. Santa figurines also make me uncomfortable and I want to destroy them, focusing on particularly the crotch area. When I was two, Santa did bad things to me, things that has given me nightmares ever since. I bear physical and emotional scars from the… incident. There it is. Santa terrifies me.

Here’s the thing. My husband insists on doing Santa with our children for Christmas. He has good memories of Santa and all the mystique that comes with it, I guess. The whole leaving a dish of cookies for Santa and carrots for the reindeer thing. The whole ritual of asking the children if they heard that?! Could that be Santa on the roof? Quick, get to bed! The whole tradition of finding presents under the tree from Santa. I don’t want to do all that, but he is also their parent. He has a say in this. So I have conceded.

We will do somewhat of a Santa tradition. He can take the kids to see Santa himself and I don’t want to see the pictures. He can do the whole “do you hear that?” game with them, but I have an excuse to back out of that one, being deaf and all. I love cooking and I like eating cookies even more, so I don’t mind that either. But it’s the gifts I have a big issue with. I am worried that having the children think all of this is from Santa that they will have to do whatever a man in a Santa suit tells him/her to do or be on the bad list every year. I am worried that their adoration of Santa and everything he stands for will make them more vulnerable and easy targets for men in Santa suits.

I nixed the gifts from Santa idea, sorry sweetie, but I offered a compromise. Stockings. We can get stockings and whatever is inside is from Santa. We will fill the stockings on Christmas Eve, let them find the half-eaten cookies, the glass of milk empty, and full stockings. I’m thinking practical and junk food. Candy and a toothbrush. School supply refills such as stationery, pens, etc. Art supplies. Socks and underwear. Things they need, so they start seeing Santa as someone who brings them practical things, not wild things. That can be the family’s job.

So… there it is. Had to get that off my chest and to offer my friends a little bit of understanding of why I avoid areas I know will have Santas or otherwise, I try to not see them and quickly leave wherever I am. That’s the reason for my seemingly adorable quirk, only it’s more sinister.